January 31, 2026
I thought I could fix him if only I loved him hard enough.
But that was a lie.
I thought he loved me. . . he said he did. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. But real love does not hurt in all the ways he had hurt me.
The relationship started off well. He was kind, attentive, and sweet. He listened to me and made me laugh. He didn’t drink or smoke or curse. I was checking off the boxes in my head. It was looking good.
A few months later I was recovering from a bout with the flu. He commented on my not having washed the dishes for several days. I replied sarcastically and he suddenly went into a violent rage. I thought he was going to kill me. But he didn’t.
After obtaining an Order of Protection, suffering through many scary sleepless nights, and asking myself countless times “Why did this happen to me?”, I slowly started to heal from the trauma. I started to live again.
I found myself back in church and I realized God wasn’t done with me yet. I decided to fully put my faith in Him to lead me to my “Mr. Right.” I began praying for this man I hadn’t met yet. That God would prepare his heart. As He was preparing mine.
It was a little scary, but I put myself back out there. I got back onto the dating website world. Except I decided to pick a different site to hopefully avoid more of the undesirables.
And, as God does when we’re open to His guidance, He led me straight to him. The perfect man for me. Or at least that’s how he seemed in his online profile. This guy seemed too good to be true! Too bad he was on a site that required a subscription to message with others. My penny-pinching, budget-conscious mind would not allow me that pleasure. So, I simply sent him a free “smile” and kept searching.
The next day he sent me a message! But I couldn't read it because I stubbornly refused to pay the outrageous subscription fee the website required to read messages.
Instead, I spent the evening studying his profile, taking screenshots of his bio and his photos. I compared our interests and ideals. I was intrigued by his admission to being a “foodie” and having a warped sense of humor.
But it was the words about his faith that had the most appeal for me. None of the other guys’ profiles mentioned faith the way that he did.
I dreamed about how wonderful it would be to meet a man like him, but I decided I just couldn’t go against my belief that messaging another person should be free. No matter how perfect he seemed.
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